I pray because I'm a Good Muslim..right?

For years the salat prayers were hit and miss for me. Sometimes I would gain a profound peace whilst offering salat, more often however, I would find that I would offer the salat prayer only then to jump up and to continue with my life 'as normal'. Worse still I would often continue with my life as normal even during the salat; thinking over worldly matters that I couldn't get out of my head - I would regularly forget how many cycles of prayer I had made and often forget what surah I had just recited.

Salat was an act of righteousness that would lead me to a sense of accomplishment, fulfilment and feeling good, a feeling that I was maybe a 'good person' and a 'good muslim'.

This remained the same until that moment during Ramadan two years ago when I learned the importance of understanding the meaning of the Arabic words in salat, having spent time reflecting on Surah Al Mu’minoon.

I have found myself being present to the meaning and also getting present to my own life and to the impact of the salat conversation on my life. I have noticed too that there were so many layers or depths to the meaning of these words and also how the meaning and impact of these words would vary, becoming more profound as I would focus and contemplate my own life. I gained a new-found relatedness to myself that I can only describe as beautiful.

The contact prayer or salat was no longer an end or a result but was a means to an ends, a means to guidance, guiding me through each and every day.

I had attended courses and lectures, read books and watched tv programs full of advice where I have thought, ‘Yes!! Now I know my problem!!’ I had insight after insight as to what was ‘wrong’ with me and how I could fix it. However these insights would be short-lived, and often the impact would fade away before the end of the very program in which I was participating.

There is only one system I know that does not ‘fade away’ ; it is the system of Islam. Rather than fade away Islam in present in my life and I am reminded of Islam and its impact on my life during every salat. I have learned to love and accept myself and to forgive myself. I have also learned that I will continue to make errors, mistakes and do stupid things. However, I am deeply re-assured that I will shortly re-turn to my Merciful Creatorﷻ in salat and regain the sense of acceptance and of freedom by attaining Hisﷻ Mercy. Sure, life can still be a struggle and I still face adversity and strife, however this exists only until my salat – I re-attain peace and then the 'worldly' life begins once again!

The time of salat has become an imperative and focal point throughout my day, rather like an oasis in the barren desert of worldliness. It is a place of respite, a place of peace of security, tranquility and of hope. This place of salat accompanies me wherever I may be on the planet; I have accepted that I am dependent on salat- five times a day - as my Creator has made me in need of it and simply incomplete without it. I worship and acknowledge my Creatorﷻ in salat, I acknowledge that I am creation and in need, and that it is only Heﷻ that is my Guideﷻ.

So this is the story of my journey so far; I live salat to salat- It's a real blessing to have achieved this means to Guidance.